Thursday, August 30, 2007
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1:39 PM
Well, hello kingdom!Figured that I'm not OF the world, shan't say hello to it.Hmmm, lots have happened, and I bet lots are GONNA happen. Firstly, "I regret to inform the hospital that I shall terminate my services to them, and my last day shall be this Fri"YAYYYYYY!I can't believe I struggled with such an easy decision. Of course, it's never easy when you're involved, but once I tendered in my resignation letter, I knew I made the right decision when I felt a heavy load off my chest. Phew.But, easy decisions doesn't come with easy 'side-effects'. This three days have been like torture for me, [though I still REFUSE to believe it anyway, my God is greater than I can ever imagine!] because everytime I think that I'm so gonna get out of that job after Fri, I cannot contain my excitement, but also cannot tahan the crawling days at the same time.At times like this, I forget that I'm in a world that I don't belong to, and I actually believe the lie that I'm just like any ordinary human-doing of this do-world, and then I forget my Creator. It's like, okay, no one created me, it's time I fend for myself. If I don't DO anything about this, I'm prolly just gonna wallow in self-despair and DIEEEE!Oh gosh, if anyone can believe it, even though it's one week away to ultimate freedom, I cannot see the light at all!And the politics in the dept didn't help. Whole day I"m like, guard your heart, guard your mind, guard your heart.... and then later I find myself unable to stop myself gossiping about my colleagues. Yeah, tell me if you can convince yourself that 'there is therefore now NO condemnation in Christ...'God, I need heart revelations!And then, POM! I just suddenly missed the Lord, and I realised that, through this period of lamenting and TRYING not to gossip, TRYING to pass the week, TRYING not to be affected by what others are saying about me when they're too free, I didn't actually ask for help. Ask, and you will be given, right? GOSH, I FORGOT!There was this sudden hunger in me, that urged me to 'faster go get the Bible!!!' if not I will stay hungry. And I loved having that kind of hunger that I seldom have for the Lord, it just means a newer, higher level of growing with the Lord.[Oh wow, I don't know what I'm writing...]Actually, everyday, as a thought comes into my mind, I'll make a mental note to blog about it. But somehow, the mental notes all went missing! Haha...In any case, I just felt like Daddy saying He's always here for me, and I really LOVED the book by Bobbie! I'm seriously in love with her [eldest son! Haha kidding.]! Omg she is a wonderful minister! Just as I was feeling empty and down, and hmmmmm... a bit don't feel like reading the Bible (hehe), I picked up her book and continued reading, only this time, before I opened, I prayed and ask Abba to SHOW me something! About my job, about my future career, and how I can deal with this tremendously hectic week. And when I opened the book, there it was.I have been asking the Spirit to quicken world's time, to faster let me complete my week and zao. But it's passing slower and slower day by day. I can't understand why! But Bobbie's book showed me about seasons in my life. And that seasons cannot be avoided, or skipped. And I have to agree, because I believe this past 2 months working in the hospital will certainly be a stepping stone into the next part of my life, and next time as I look back, I know that hey, actually this journey is just part of God's plan for me. :) (like, I finally smiled.)Sidetracking, of course it wasn't Bobbie. It's never Bobbie Houston. Bobbie could never WOW anyone. Jesus can.So anyway, even though I gei kiang, bite off more than I could chew [like her, in the book.], it's okay, because they're just growth curves in my life. And haha, [I like this part], life is too precious and too short for us to brood over such senseless things!Oh gosh, Lord You're soooooo good! And all my irritation, I know that it's just the flesh, but my Spirit inside me is just SOOOOO alive!!! Hallelujah!You know, when even if I don't feel like praising Him, but yet I do, I get a sense of POWER coming into me. See, He fulfils even without OUR faith. =))And, like Him whispering to Bobbie Houston, He too told me, 'Child, your reward is with Me.' I LACK IN NOTHING AT ALL!!! How can I ever, when my ENTIRE reward is with the Most High?! What kind of reward can ever hold a candle to even a meagre reward of His? And, knowing Him to be my beloved Abba Daddy, He won't bear to give sparingly; He'll give generously, and ABUNDANTLY! AMEN!!!I lack in ABSOLUTELY nothing! Whether it's favour for a job, a course, enough experience for my future career, finances, certainty of what to do for my future, the power to overcome sin, condemnation and guilt,I lack in none of them.But most importantly,I lack not in grace.Grace to see me through EVERYTHING.Praise Jesus. Who saw me through even my darkest moments.Who stood by my side, lovingly call me even when I refused to hear.Yet hugged me with such passion when I finally turned to Him.Listened to me patiently, and smiled even if I walked away even before He could say anything to me.But willingly re-give the advice again when I finally came back.Showered me with grace even though I insisted using self-effort.Waited for me, the prodigal daughter to come running back to Him, after long time no see.Praise Jesus.All in all, He is faithful. Even when I'm faithless, even when I fail to go to Him immediately, He'll still love me, and will gently call me to Him. I love that. ((:So Lord I'm here, to sit at Your feet.
